Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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