I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
