My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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