I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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