only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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