sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
