So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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