I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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