I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize