i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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