i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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