i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
