ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
