we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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