never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
