TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
