Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
