I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
