i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
