I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
