Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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