508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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