Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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