I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
