good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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