i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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