new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he puts the penis in happiness.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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