we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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