She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
