I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
