I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Watching her eat just hurts me
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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