Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
