guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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