and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
