I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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