Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
