My friends, they love my intelligence
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
