I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
