If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
