Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
