God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
