like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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