So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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