I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
