we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
