you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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