Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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