he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize