2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
