Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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