We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
