if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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