My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
