My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
No stitches, just platelets and will power
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
