Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize