You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
