Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
