I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
