she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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