Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
