3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
