I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm passing your future prison.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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