SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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