After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
