Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
