the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize