i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
