Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize