Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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