On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
