1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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