Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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