I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
