How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
