another moral hangover. fuck.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
